The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house
I will not eat the cat's food, before or after they eat it
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up
I will not throw up in the car
I will not roll in dead worms, rabbits, woodchucks, etc
I will not lick my humans face after eating animal poop
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar
I will not chew my owners toothbrush (or dentures) without telling them
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it is raining
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom and dad's laps
My head does not belong in the refrigerator
I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and registration

Every pet owner will want to share them with their animal-loving
friends and relatives.